2010

So it's been a year since I started this blog and it hasn't gotten very far. But I will try really hard to fix that even being in college. (BJU doesn't let you have blogs...dumb i know)

Sorry about all the songs on here, but some days I just really want to shout out songs and this is a good place to put them so I won't scream. And paramore just happens to be a favorite band and I love their new cd. so....deal.

Holy Crow! Its 1:01am.....lol I didn't know it was that late....oops.

Well then I'll type this fast and go to bed. Basically I'm getting slightly depressed with the basic fact of me being 19 1/2 and no boyfriend. I know that sounds pathetic, but when most of your friends are: Married, engaged, or seriously dating.....it leaves a bad taste. It wasn't so bad when my friends didn't have bf/gf.....but when its ALL AROUND me, I feel like im choking.

It's bad at school too, couples everywhere. And I'm sitting alone. Again. Going to artist series alone. Again. Vespers.....alone, again.

And it's not ot say that I don't have friends that aren't single, but they are few of the many. And I LOVE my friends and am SO happy for them. They are are so great about it too, they include me in plans and still talk to me all the time and don't make me fell like a third wheel. But I still am one. I just want to be happy like them too.


But I refuse to settle for a tool. I'm waiting for someone special, but I feel like he doesn't exist, The boys I see and hangout with (excluding alex and a few others.) are so immature and stupid and would never date them. It's depressing really how few MEN there are, so many boys who won't grow up. I love peter pan, but this is stupid.


I'm sorry, I'm ranting. But I guess I just needed to say it.

I watched "Lost in Austen" which is about a modern girl who falls into Pride & Predjudice and messes the whole story up but ends up with Darcy. It's a great movie; so fun and yet authentic Austen still in there. Great casting too, lol. But these movies and books they make me so sad afterwards. Seeing this wonderful story of love and knowing that its not real. I want to believe its real so badly, but it's a story. It never happened.

So then I wonder if there is such a thing as soulmates or if we just find someone that we can "live with" for the rest of our lives. (or a few years for most people before they divorce.) I hope there are soulmates, but I fell as if that just in books too.

Maybe love isn't what its portrade to be. Love is: kindness, compassion, a song, a whisper, a memory, a dance, sacrifice.

Christ gave us the greatest love of all by dying for us. And no one else can live up to that. Should I stop looking for the love if I already have it?